I’ve refrained from telling pregnancy stories until now because well, they’re pretty boring if you’re not pregnant. However, I think anyone can enjoy a good round of “weird things people say.” These weird things were said to me in the recent past.
Size Matters. Being pregnant sends the message that it is now OK to openly discuss your shape, size, and weight. Even strangers will engage in this behavior.
“You’re so big.”
“It’s so big.”
“You’re so small.”
“You’re carrying so low.”
“Can I touch it?”
“Oh. You don’t look pregnant.”
“Don’t worry, my friend gained 80 pounds when she was pregnant. She lost it all but now her skin sags.”
Vices. Be it their own or on your behalf, it’s now OK to comment on your personal choices.
“Are you supposed to be eating/drinking that?”
“It’s OK to drink a little.”
“I want to smoke, please leave.”
Funny product recommendations.
“You can’t have a baby without this….”
– crazy pillow for sleeping
– crazy pillow for breastfeeding
– nipple cream
– swinging musical chair
– giant jogging stroller
and on and on
Scary Stories. Something about seeing pregnant people triggers all the (often hearsay) tragedies others need to now share with you.
“I know this woman whose baby died right before she was supposed to deliver. Have a great day.” (-airport security officer)
“You think you’re safe after 3 months, but my friend miscarried at 6 months.”
“My wife’s water broke at 7 months.”
“When I went to this birth class, the instructor told us how this baby was born with listeria blisters all over its body.”
“This [insert messed up thing here, i.e. pooing blood, peeing blood, fainting] happened to me when I was pregnant…”
“…And she couldn’t look at fish again.”
Fun with Doctors. They can’t all be good with people.
“You had a big jump in weight this month, don’t do it again.”
“You have a marginal cord, that just means it could get compressed and the baby could be in trouble. Have a great day.”
“Oh that? That’s a zit. Hang on, I’ll get it.”
Then there’s all the comparisons people make between your pregnancy and theirs, be it regarding sleeping, eating, nausea, mood swings, labor, women like to compare themselves to other women. But I’ll stop here.